new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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