i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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