Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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