happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
