Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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