Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
