Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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