genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
two words...techno handjob
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
