The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
