My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
