You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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