got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
