I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
