Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
