Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
