OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
