I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im holly from the hills drunk
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
