You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
