While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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