i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize