im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
