so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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