so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
