Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm at about main and main street
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
