Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
