yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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