oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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