I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize