you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
