so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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