I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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