If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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