You made me cry and you don't even care
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
