When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
