Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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