Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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