Michael Bay diarrhea
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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