Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
