Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am spending my child support on dildos
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my sisters under your porch take her home
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
