so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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