it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
