Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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