you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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