Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
