I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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