Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
