well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
