How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
