i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
