I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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