Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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