How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
