did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
