People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it's like heaven, but drunker
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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