hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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