How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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