You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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