I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i came on her dog
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
