I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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