He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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