did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
