you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
