I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You are the jesus of drinking
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
