What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
