i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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