actually, I'm a sock model
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
