if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
