One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
