Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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