At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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