The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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