Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We don't watch enough power rangers
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
