Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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