Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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