Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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