The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
