just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
