Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
