My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
