You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
