I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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