haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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