DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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