She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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