What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I have tasted many bathrooms
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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