dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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