Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Too much gin, very little bucket
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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