Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
