Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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