i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
