he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
